Jun 26 2008
“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman is one of the best sources for love advice out there, and I don’t say that lightly. I know that field is awfully crowded. But Gary Chapman’s approach to love is simple: There’s in love and then there’s loving someone. When you’re in love with someone, it’s like the movies and the songs and the Hallmark cards - “Oh, how I love thee!” - but unfortunately, it will not last. Sorry if I just burst your bubble. 
Scientific studies have shown that the in love feeling lasts only 2 years, at most. When people start to come down off that high, then they think they’re in trouble - there’s got to be something wrong with our marriage! - but that’s not true. That’s just you coming back to planet Earth. If you can figure out the five languages of love (and more specifically, which language your spouse speaks) you can easily transition to the loving someone stage. 
The five languages of love are:
*Words of Affirmation
*Quality Time
*Receiving Gifts
*Acts of Service
*Physical Touch
He explains each language in-depth, and gives examples of people who “speak” a certain language. Basically, if your spouse speaks the Acts of Service language and you’re always giving him gifts, he’s not going to feel loved and you’re not going to know why.
Once you figure out which language each of you speak, you can start telling your spouse you love him, using a language he understands. It’s the equivalent of me going up to my husband and telling him I love him in Chinese. He’s not going to understand a word I just said. That’s what happens when you tell your spouse you love him by using the wrong love language.
It’s a fast read, it makes sense, and it’s helpful. My only word of caution is that the author is Christian, and quotes from the Bible and talks about Jesus throughout the book, but not to an overwhelming degree. If you’re not Christian, I don’t think you’ll find it too much to handle, but just so you know it’s in there. And if you are Christian, you’ll be right at home with this book.
Overall, I give to 4.75 out of 5 stars. I honestly think that if every young couple coming home from the church or courthouse after getting married could have this in their pile of wedding presents, our divorce rate would drop dramatically. I think it’s that powerful. Two giant thumbs up.
Hava
PS Still in the dating stage? Check out Dating here at Today - it’s got lots of helpful advice.
Photo Credits: Bjearwicke
Small World >> I checked out your post - excellent! I am not a parent (which is why I didn’t read or review the Love Languages for Teens or for Children) but I still laughed when you said that you were vacillating between terror (I’m screwing my kids up!) and relief (I am doing THAT right). I know I will be the same way when I’m a parent! That was totally me to a T.
I also followed the link in your blog to the quiz, and printed off two copies of it. My husband and I did that quiz tonight. I had thought I knew what my husband’s languages were, but I was only half right. He had two primary love languages, and then a close secondary language. I guessed two out of the three, which isn’t bad I suppose. And it turns out that I was right about my primary (acts of service).
Pretty fun. I highly recommend the quiz to anyone wondering what their love language is.
Hava
http://nonfictionlover.today.com