Jul 26 2008
“Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys” by Dave Barry
Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys by none other than Dave Barry was a terrific read. It was an expose on how guys’ minds really work (hint: they don’t) delivered in the classic Dave Barry style.
The book had me smiling by the end of page one, then a little chuckling snuck in. I soon progressed to giggling, which quickly turned into full blown laughter. But it didn’t stop there. Soon (about 10 pages in or so) I was laughing so hard, I was doubled over, struggling to breathe, and wiping tears off my face.
If you don’t laugh when you’re reading this book, you need your pulse taken. There’s a good chance you’re dead.
Having said all that, there were definitely parts of the book that warrant some warnings. Dave Barry thinks nothing of including “adult humor” so this isn’t a book I’d hand to a child. There were some clean and hilarious stories in the book, but there were also some not-so-clean-but-still-hilarious stories in the book. Just be forewarned.
In case some of you have been living under a rock for the past couple of decades and haven’t read any of Dave Barry’s writings, I figured I should put up an excerpt (a clean one, of course) demonstrating Dave’s writing style. Again, no laughter = dead. Just wanted to make sure we were clear on that…
Dave talked about medical conditions that only afflict guys: Mainly, Guy Vision (the complete inability to see dirt) and Guy Memory Lapses. This excerpt is from the Guy Memory Lapses section:
The basic problem here is that guys, as I have noted, devote so much of their brains to remembering vital facts such as who was named MVP of the 1978 Super Bowl, that they cannot always remember minor details, such as they have left an infant on the roof of a car.
You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. According to a 1992 Boston Globe article, a guy in Massachusetts did this on Mother’s Day. He had his two children with him, and he was loading them into his car, and he did - give him credit - remember to strap in his twenty-month-old daughter into the car.
But the amount of concentration required for a guy to remember this type of childcare detail can put a lot of strain on his mental equipment, so he went into acute Guy Memory Lapse and forgot that he had placed a car seat containing his three-month-old son on the roof of the car. As he accelerated onto Interstate 290, he sensed that something was wrong when “he heard a scraping sound on the roof of the car.”
(This is classic guy behavior: He doesn’t notice that he only has 50% of his total children inside the car with him, but he does notice that his car is making a funny sound.)
Anyway, the car was going about 50 mph when the car seat containing the three-month-old boy sailed off the roof and landed on Interstate 290, where - this is strong evidence that God is a guy - the seat skidded safely to a stop, with the boy unhurt. So, the story has a happy ending, except of course that this particular guy had to tell his wife what happened (Happy Mother’s Day!). I bet she rolled her eyeballs into the next state.
Perhaps you’re saying, “Dave, aren’t you being unfair? Aren’t you using purely anecdotal evidence to reinforce an unfortunate gender stereotype about men? Isn’t it entirely possible that a woman could leave her child on the car roof and drive off?”
No.
~Page 111 - 112
You did laugh, right? I was a little worried there for a moment…
I hadn’t heard about what was happening with Dave for quite a while, so I decided to do a Google search and see what he’s been up to. Turns out, Dave’s retired from the weekly column business (which is probably why I haven’t heard from him). Oh, and the Complete Guide to Guys was turned into a movie, which I also didn’t know.
Apparently, I’m not very up-to-date on the latest Dave Barry doings. Which is sad for me, considering how darn funny I think he is.
I’m giving Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys 4.5 out of 5. It’s marked down for adult, sometimes crass humor, but overall, it’s just too darn funny to rate lower than that. Need a pick me up? Read this book and he’ll have you rolling on the floor with laughter in no time (which, sadly for me, is not an exaggeration).
Hava
Good post! Ienjoyed reading your blog and learning about Dave Barry’s books.
Mickie - Thanks for the comment.
I really love Dave Barry - he is freakin’ hilarious.
Donnie - Which means that I probably would find the movie funny, since I most definitely “get” Dave’s sense of humor.
I wish he didn’t include so much crude stuff in his books, since it makes it hard to recommend his books to anyone and everyone, but for adults, there’s nothing better than a book by Dave to relax and unwind. 
Just don’t try to read while eating and/or drinking. It’s dangerous to your health. Literally. Don’t even ask me how I know…
Diane - I too am glad to know you’re not dead. LOL!! That would mean these last couple of months would have been something out of the Twilight Zone.
LOL!
I almost got my husband to read this book (and he is SO not a reader!) because he remembered reading Dave Barry columns as a kid and lovin’ him. Dave certainly left a legacy of laughter behind. I wish I were a tenth as funny as him, but alas, that was not the gift I was given. Oh well - at least I was given the gift of gab!
Hava
Who isn’t quite sure why that’s a good thing, but is trying to be positive here…