Jan 14 2009
Herman Has Feelings Too!
Before I get into what will surely be a cosmic-bending, mind-opening new post (as they all are, right?) I wanted to tell those of you who read my “Only Women Will Understand This Post” post that I now have an update on what I think the relationship is. Be sure to check out the comment section and scroll all the way down to my comment, where I lay out my newest theory.
For the rest of you who actually have a life, here’s the cosmic-bending, mind-opening post as promised:
Umm………
What, you actually expected something like that? You do realize what blog you’re on, right?
And in other news, I have to tell you guys about one of the strangest patrons our library has ever been graced with. We have self-centered patrons, rude and mean patrons, and of course, just-this-side-of-the-loony-bin patrons. This patron is of the loony-bin persuasion.
She started out normal enough. She came in every day to use the computer, which we have quite a few patrons who do that. Over time, she started telling us about how controlling and horrible her boyfriend was. Sympathetic, we all listened to her complaints and naturally took her side.
Then one day, she came in with a little stuffed cow (think Beanie Baby - check out the picture I took this morning with my camera to see this little guy in all his glory) and told us that her boyfriend told her that she couldn’t keep all of her stuffed animals anymore - that she had to give some away. She thought that she could give us one, and we’d take “good care of it.” With as straight of faces as we could manage, we promised to take good care of the cow. We took it and put it on a counter, where it sits to this day.
She named the cow (of course!) and told us that we had to make sure to pet Herman the Cow and feed it often. At this point, I started to get more than a little weirded out by her. She does realize that it is just a small stuffed animal, right?
Then one day she said that it was Herman’s birthday a couple of days later, so she was going to help celebrate it by bringing us all donuts. Bribed into playing along (we’re an easy bribe, what can I say?) we agreed to help celebrate his birthday. (Question of the Day: How does she know when he came off the assembly line? Or does she instead count the day she bought him as his birthday? Inquiring minds want to know.)
She made us promise to feed Herman a donut if she brought them in for us, and we all solemnly swore we’d do so. I missed the day of the celebration, so I’m not sure what all happened there (perhaps one of my coworkers wouldn’t mind leaving info in the comment section about it…?)
As time went by, she got stranger and stranger (I know you don’t think it’s possible, but she did). When she came in, she’d talk to Herman as she was signing up for the computer.
“Are they treating you okay here? Are you getting enough carrots?” in a baby talk tone of voice usually reserved for infants. Then she’d interrogate us on how we were treating him. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
Not convinced that we were doing a good enough job of keeping Herman company, she brought in a stuffed cat on a rug so they could sit together and not be lonely. Dutifully, we took the cat and placed it right next to Herman, where it has sat ever since. (As you can see in the picture above, Kiki the Cat is nicely keeping Herman company. Good Kiki.)
She has told me several times that her boyfriend won’t allow her to keep all of her stuffed animals, and can’t stand the way she treats them. Although this boyfriend certainly sounds like a loser in some aspects, I can’t help but agree with him wholeheartedly on the whole stuffie business. She is in her 40’s, I would guess, but treats these stuffed animals better than some people treat their children.
If you can see in the lower right-hand corner of the picture, there is a yellow note taped to the counter. That is the instructions she gave us on how to take care of Herman the Cow (namely, he likes carrots and celery.) It also has Kiki’s name on it, plus Herman’s birthday, so we can be sure to never forget that important piece of information. Lucky us.
Because I’m not very good at keeping a straight face when she starts her baby talk with Herman, I try my best not to ever be the one to wait on her at the counter. I don’t want to hurt the lady’s feelings, so if I do get stuck helping her, I umm and ahh my way through it until she leaves and I can go into the back and laugh.
Crazy is as crazy does. Or something like that.
Hava
I’d better not let you read Charley, then. If you do, though, check out another short story there, too, by Ravyn. It’s about a library.
Sounds like a prize, for sure. It is so ridiculous that it must be real. Working with the public, I’ve come across my share of loonies, this one would rate high on the list.
Stephanie >> I read Charley - a little too much trying to be sentimental, but other than that, I thought it was fine.
I don’t have any problems with people writing stories about attachments to stuffed animals as a fictional story. But when people start cooing and doing the whole baby talk thing to a stuffed animal sitting on the shelf at the library, it starts to creep me out.
Am I strange with this one? Should a 40-year-old woman be speaking baby talk to a stuffed animal in public? Tell me what you guys think - I’d love to hear it!
Melissa >> I’m quickly finding out that “Stranger Than Fiction” doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of working with the public. The more bizarre a story is, the more believable it is to me, simply because we get some awfully weird things happening at the library all the time. And I know we can’t be the only place that has their fair share of loony-bin patrons/customers.
Hava
Well, truthfully, I wrote Charley when I was 15, so, um, I guess that would be a bit different than a forty year old having a deep personal relationship with a stuffed cow she gave to the library. Of course, according to this sanity test I just took, I’m kinda insane, so you might want to take that with a grain of salt.
On the other hand, I’ve heard of a woman who had her house done completely in black and white cows including having a piano with cow spots. That’s a bit unusual too.
Actually my heart goes out to that patron of yours… I wonder what has happened in her life that’s caused her to put so much attention to her stuffed animals…
Oh yes, the infamous Stuffed Animal Lady….I can’t remember for sure what she did for Herman’s birthday, but I believe she brought cupcakes. The little cat’s name is Kiki, and HOW DARE YOU not take the time to find out!!!
Hava!! It’s been ages! Stopping in to say hi
No, Havilah, you’re right. She’s crazy. I mean, I used to talk to animals too, but I stopped when I was SEVEN. Also, have you noticed that she wears the same outfit every time she’s in here? That, to me, speaks volumes about her sanity more than anything.
BTW, funny! And I didn’t know that the cat had a name. I guess I learn something new every day!
Stephanie >> You really wrote that when you were 15??!! Wowsers girlfriend, you’re awesome!!!! I liked to write back then, but I don’t think I would have been talented enough to write that.
I know that I said that it was overly sentimental, and I still believe that’s true, but you have to judge something written by a teen different than how you would judge something written by an adult, and for a teen, that was extremely well written. And a sweet story.
As for the lady who redid her house in black and white, I have to say: At least she kept it at her house. I think the strangest part of this whole thing has been this patron giving us the stuffed animals, and then expecting us to play along with her when it comes to talking to the darn things. Do what you want at home, but don’t force me to go along with. KWIM?
Lynne >> That is true. A part of me is sad for her and what has obviously been a difficult life. I guess the larger part of me is half laughing/half frustrated that she’s forcing me to play her games, or otherwise come across as being a mean and hateful person. When a grown woman coos at a stuffed animal in public, and asks you to kiss the darn thing often, you know she’s missing a screw upstairs. Or ten.
Chris >> I am such a slacker, I know. But I wrote this blog on the day that I was at home, sick, and I didn’t think I should probably tie up people’s time at work by calling and asking them to run over and look at the little yellow slip. Today I took my camera with me to work and took the picture you see above, and added in the information about Kiki’s name, which is why the blog now has all of that in there. I figured a picture is worth a thousand words, and thus this picture had to be worth at least two thousand.
Autism Insights >> Hi girlfriend! I wandered onto your site the other night and wondered how you were doing, so I dropped a card and read through a bit. I’m so glad you’re still blogging. Many of the people who started when we did aren’t blogging anymore, so it’s good to see some of us “old timers” are still around.
Sariah >> Nope, no THE Charley. If you scroll up to the first comment, you’ll see a link to a story written by Stephanie (the person who also wrote the comment) and it’s called Charley. It’s about a stuffed bear and how he feels after being forgotten about when the child grows up.
And next time you come in, you’ll have to remind me and I’ll show you. As if either of us will ever really remember this…
Ruthie >> My thoughts exactly!
Ann >> Havilah? Don’t you mean MOTHER? Daughter, getting a little disrespectful there, don’tcha think?
And you’re right, she does wear the same outfit each time. I had forgotten that tidbit until you mentioned it. She is a nice person, other than her stuffed-animal-talking obsession…
I think that even if she had just given it to us and told us to have it as our mascot or something, that would have been cute and fine. The problem comes when she wants us to feed the darn thing, and kiss it, and talk to it often. That’s where I draw the line.
Hava