Apr 13 2009
More Than I Wanted to Know
This morning, I went downstairs and started doing outside check-in. As is common, there was a stack of books already sitting on the counter that fellow employees were giving to me to check in. I started doing check-in, not paying a whole lot of attention to the titles of the books, when I saw a book that needed a new barcode.
I quickly pulled up the book in the computer to “send it to mending” (that’s what we call it when we tell the computer program that the book is being fixed and/or mended, so that we know where in the library it is at) when I happened to see the name of the person who checked the book out on the screen. It was a fellow coworker of mine at the library. I then did a double take and stared at the title of the book.
It was a book on saving your marriage. I looked at the next book in the pile - another book about trying to stave off divorce. With a feeling of dread, I checked it in and checked the patron portion of the computer - yes, it was the same employee.
I felt sick to my stomach. I had no idea that this person was struggling with their marriage. I felt like some sort of interloper, that I would know something this huge and significant without meaning to, and certainly without wanting to.
I completed check-in this morning like normal, but inside, I was just sick. It wasn’t as if I could walk up to this person and say, “Hey, so I see that you’re on the edge of divorce. My condolences.” This person has no idea that I know. And quite frankly, I didn’t want to know. At the same time, I’m sad and I want to hug this person and tell them that I feel for them.
There are some days that I learn more than I really wanted to know about my fellow men. Working at a library seems to bring that to the forefront. When you check out 15 books to someone about being pregnant, there’s a pretty good chance the patron is going to have a baby. Same thing with books on advanced cancer; books on dealing with a new medical diagnosis; and yes, books on dealing with divorce. The titles tell me, whether I really wanted to know or not, the inner thoughts and lives of the person checking those books out.
And there are some things I just didn’t want to know.
Sad today…
Hava
PS Before I forget, two important things: First off, tomorrow at midnight is the end of my first contest here at Nonfiction Book Reviews. So if you haven’t entered that yet, be sure to get your entry in soon. The other thing is another contest, this one happening over at Book N Around. She has a massive book give away that you don’t want to miss.
That is so sad! My husband and I were talking last night, and we came up with nine couples that we know personally who have divorced or are in the process of divorcing - just since last summer! One of them is my sister. It’s so hard to know what to say to someone going through this.
I was laying in bed last night, thinking about this, and I realized that I didn’t clarify something. I did not tell a single soul on this planet (and that includes my husband, surprisingly enough - he usually hears everything) who this person is, or any identifying information about them whatsoever. I didn’t post this so that all of my coworkers would stand around and play the game of “try to figure out who this is” - I posted it because it made me sad, and it made me uncomfortable when I sat and actually thought through how much information I am privy to, most times without meaning to be.
Anyway, I haven’t had a single coworker or friend ask me about this post - I’m not writing this because I’ve seen the above in action and it bothered me. I’m just writing it because as I laid in bed last night and thought about this, I realized that an outsider who doesn’t know me well might mistake my motives in this case, and read something into this post that isn’t there. That’s all.
Carrie >> There must be something in the air - I was discussing divorce with a coworker just this past Saturday. He was able to list off a variety of people just in his own family who have divorced. It really is sad. But I think what makes it worse in this case is that this person has no clue that I know, and probably doesn’t want me to know. (I’m pretty sure that’s safe to assume, considering this person hasn’t come up to me and spilled their marital woes.) Makes me wish there was an erase button in my brain, KWIM? lol.
I Heart Monster >> I did think about that, and so yeah, that is a possibility. I had noticed some behavior changes in this person lately, though (had noticed before I even saw the books) so I’m guessing that’s not it. I’ll probably never know, though, unless the divorce actually happens and the information gets around the library.
As for me, myself, and I, I am going to pretend as if none of this happened and continue to be oblivious to everything. Life is much nicer when you’re oblivious, I’ve decided.
Hava
I have also often done research on topics for friends, though, admittedly, I’m usually going to the internet first. Relative gets Crohn’s disease? I want to know what it is?
I hope your coworker comes through whatever OK.
I hated my divorce; it was awful, just better than the marriage before.
Jeane >> Thanks for your comment. It is an awkward situation. I’m not sure if there’s an entry in the Miss Manners book for something like this, KWIM?
Stephanie >> I’m a total fan of finding things online too. I hit Google way before I hit the shelves at the library. But although Google is good for articles and for forums (for support groups, etc) I like books to get in-depth information and really feel like I have learned a lot on a particular subject.
Strange thing: I have yet to meet anyone who has liked their divorce. They are just nasty things all the way around. Even when it’s a really good thing that you’re divorcing, it still isn’t fun. But I am glad to know you’re with a good guy now.
Phyl >> That’s a good idea; thank you.
Hava
Who just hit her 7th wedding anniversary on Sunday, and is feeling very lucky and special right about now…