Jul 10 2008
“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” by John Gray
I read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray before I got married, so it’s been at least seven years ago, and I remember liking it. After I reviewed The Five Love Languages, I decided to reread Men are from Mars and see which of the two I thought was more helpful.
Turns out that to me, both of them are equally as helpful but in completely different ways.
In The Five Love Languages, the emphasis is on doing the right things to make your spouse happy. If your spouse was someone who appreciated Acts of Service, and you went out and bought a $100 flower arrangement for her, you’re only going to puzzle your spouse who will wonder why you can find the time to buy extravagant flowers bouquets that are going to die, but not enough time to mow the lawn.
So knowing which love language each spouse speaks is very important but that really only pertains to the “keeping your spouse happy” part of the relationship, and doesn’t speak to the communication portion of your marriage.
Example: Clothes shopping together. If your wife asks your opinion on the shirt she just tried on, knowing that she likes the lawn mowed instead of flower bouquets isn’t going to do you any good (as you’ll quickly find out when you inform her that the shirt makes her look fat. My advice: Back away slowly.)
To help the masses understand marital communication better, Men are from Mars presents a very simple idea: Men do not think like women, and women do not think like men. In fact, the thought processes and the emotional needs are so different, the two sexes might as well be from two different planets (hence the name.)
The two sexes even speak two different languages, and John Gray was kind enough to provide a “translation guide” as a part of the book. A man can use this guide when a woman is speaking so that he can understand what she would be saying, if she was speaking Martian. And vice-versa.
For me, I enjoyed reading the book, and yes, I did see a lot of myself in the pages. I constantly found myself saying, “Yes, that is so true!” or “Has this guy been following me around? How does he know all of this stuff about me?”
Having said all that, I think John Gray’s success has rather gone to his head. Perhaps this is a personal quirk, but when an author spends almost the entire introduction talking about how amazing his book is, and how much every person who reads it is going to love it, it tends to drive me a little crazy. Let the book speak for itself - if it’s good, I’ll see that myself. I don’t need the author (hardly a fount of unbiased opinion) telling me so.
I’ve seen other people suggest to skip the first section, so I’m not alone in my feelings. In this case, don’t judge the book by its cover, or its introduction.
He also tends to talk about men and women in their most extreme conditions - the typical testosterone male, the typical emotional female, and although I think there is a lot of truth in what he says, I don’t think everything he says can be taken as gospel truth. But that’s what happens when you try to write a book that tries to apply to every human being on the planet - you’re not going to end up with a perfect fit every time. So take what you need and leave the rest.
Overall, I give Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus 4.25 out of 5 stars. If you find yourself constantly scratching your head, wondering why you and your spouse are at loggerheads, pick this book up and see if it can work its magic on you.
Hava
Photo Credit: MBarton837
