Nonfiction Book Reviews

I had to read His Favorite Wife: Trapped in Polygamy by Susan Ray Schmidt after I found out that it was written a sister wife of the author of Shattered Dreams (in other words, they were both married to the same man, Verlan LeBaron.)  Irene Spencer had had a lot to say about Susan in her book (mainly, that she was Verlan’s favorite wife, and why was she always being treated so special?) and I wanted to see it from Susan’s perspective.

I’m glad I did - it was definitely one of the better written polygamy books.  I enjoyed it a lot more than Irene’s book, simply because Susan didn’t spend half of the book complaining about how she wasn’t “getting any,” like Irene did.  Susan was definitely unhappy with Verlan most of the time, but she didn’t wallow in it, and I was grateful for that.

I also felt like this book was a lot more exciting and gave a better understanding of that time period when it came to polygamy, because Susan talks quite a bit about her brother-in-law, Ervil LeBaron, a famous polygamist that had his own brother killed, along with some of his wives, children, and other people he thought deserved to die.   Irene said in her book that she specifically didn’t talk about Ervil because she didn’t want him to overwhelm her story, but because of that, I felt as if a large chunk of important information was left out.  Susan’s story was much more complete.

But not only was it more complete, but Susan’s writing style was better.  When she was a child, the writing was more simplistic, and the reasoning she did was more simplistic too.  As she grows up, the book becomes more in-depth, and you can see her change and mature before your eyes.  I felt that really added to the book.

If you’re interested in a follow-up after finishing His Favorite Wife, you’ll want to check out this website, where Susan does a question and answer session with readers.  Make sure to read the comments too - she and her daughter write out responses there also.  It was very interesting to see that Susan and Irene are good friends even to this day - I would think that would be very difficult, but I guess they’ve had years to get past all of the baggage that would have come with this lifestyle.

Tangent: While researching on the internet, I found out that Susan is living in the same city I am, here in Idaho.  What an incredibly small world this is!!  I wonder if she has ever come down to the library and I’ve met her and simply didn’t know it…I’ll have to keep my eyes open for her.

Well, out of the four polygamy books that I’ve read (Shattered Dreams, Stolen Innocence, Escape, and now His Favorite Wife) the tally is two Christians, one (maybe) Mormon (still not sure about that one), and one atheist.  As I’ve read these books, I’ve wondered what the majority of ex-FLDS believers become - if they do tend to go towards Christianity or another religion (or none at all).  I’m sure that no formal study has ever been done, so I guess I’ll just have to keep wondering…

Anyway, if you’re interested in polygamy in the 1960’s and 70’s, then you’ll definitely want to pick His Favorite Wife up.  It gives an eye-opening insight to what it is truly like to be a polygamist wife (and there is pretty much nothing good about it).  If you’re wanting an up-to-date picture of polygamy and what’s happening now, you’ll want to check out Stolen Innocence instead.

I give His Favorite Wife 4.25 out of 5 stars.  I’ll be keeping my eyes open for Susan around town!

Havs

Stolen Innocence: My Story of Growing Up in a Polygamous Sect, Becoming a Teenage Bride, and Breaking Free of Warren Jeffs by Elissa Wall and Lisa Pulitzer has more than a heck of a subtitle.  It contains an amazing story about a girl forced into marriage at a stunning 14 years of age, and to a 19-year-old first cousin to boot.

I have read three polygamy autobiographies now: Shattered Dreams, Escape, and Stolen Innocence.  Out of those three, I enjoyed Stolen Innocence the most.  As I said in my review of Escape, Carolyn Jessop seemed to be very bitter towards the FLDS Church and everything that had happened to her.  I didn’t get that vibe from this book - instead, Elissa seemed to concentrate on showing how much she loved her family, and the fact that what she was doing was for her family.  She carries a picture of her two younger sisters in her wallet with her at all times, so she can remember that she’s fighting to give her sisters freedom from the FLDS cult and everything that comes along with it.

Elissa’s story is markedly different from Carolyn Jessop’s or Irene Spencer’s.  She is the first wife of her husband, Allen Steed, and he never takes on another wife, so she doesn’t deal with “sister wives” and everything that comes along with that.

She also gets pregnant four times in two years, but loses three to miscarriages and one as a stillbirth, so when she leaves the sect, she doesn’t worry about trying to sneak any children out with her.  At the time, she thought that God was mad at her, which was why he kept killing her babies (this is a common teaching in the FLDS Church - if you lose a baby, it’s because you’ve done something wrong and God is cursing you for it).

She found out after she got out and had prenatal care for her next pregnancy, that she had Rh-negative blood, something easily fixed by modern medicine, but otherwise fatal for the babies.  She has had two children since then with no problems.

It’s amazing what modern medicine and simply having access to information can do.

Another big difference in the books is the poverty that the other two women suffered - Elissa Wall doesn’t focus on any of that.  Her parents go through periods of prosperity and then periods of difficulties, but overall, her family was much better off than many polygamous families are.  Her father has specialized skills, and the jobs he was able to do were high-paying.  This made for a big difference in Elissa’s quality of life.

Last but definitely not least is how her family got into polygamy to begin with.  In the other books, the families had been in the FLDS Church for generations.  The Walls, on the other hand, grew up LDS.  Elissa’s father and his first wife, Audrey, were practicing Mormons when Audrey’s parents joined the FLDS Church.  Hoping to disprove the FLDS Church and find flaws in it, they started studying the religion.  They ended up joining the FLDS Church instead.

It’s not terribly common for people to convert to the FLDS Church, so for a long time, they were looked upon as outsiders.  Along with that was the fact that Audrey wasn’t born and raised with the idea that polygamy was the correct way of life, and so for her, when her husband married Elissa’s mother, Sharon Steed, and then later on was given a third wife, it was very difficult for her to handle.  This made for a tense family life.

The children, however, were raised in a fairly relaxed environment because of the background of the parents, so they often did things that other families in the religion did not: Attend concerts, football games, play musical instruments, ride ATV vehicles, listen to classical music, and more.  I think that this more open environment was a big help to Elissa when she finally did get out of the church.

What makes her story the most remarkable, of course, is the fact that it was Elissa’s story that helped put Warren Jeffs behind bars.  He was prosecuted for being an accomplice in rape - her rape.  She was forced to marry her cousin, and then when she went to Warren and complained that she was being forced to do things she didn’t want to do (she literally didn’t know the word “rape” at that point) he told her that she had to submit to everything her husband wanted her to do, no questions asked.

It is because of Elissa’s brave actions that Warren Jeffs is now behind bars.  She chronicles the trial and everything that led up to it, which in itself was fascinating.  She ends the book with the raid of the YFZ (Youth For Zion) Ranch down in Texas, making this book the most up-to-date and applicable to the headlines in the newspapers, out of any of the polygamy books.

This was an absolutely captivating and stunning story.  If you’re only going to read one book on polygamy, make it this one.  I give it 4.75 out of 5 stars.

Hava

PS I have His Favorite Wife by Susan Schmidt on my list to read.  I’ll have to read and review that one sometime, so I can get a well-rounded view of the polygamy world.  Each book has been so different from the others, I really feel like I’ve learned something new with each book that I read on the subject.

Escape by Carolyn Jessop was a very difficult and depressing book for me.  I picked it up because of course, polygamy has been all over the news lately - even Oprah did a show on polygamy where she invited polygamists to come onto her show and share their side of the story.  There’s also been a plethora of polygamy books released - Shattered Dreams (which I already did a review of), His Favorite Wife, and a brand-new one called Stolen Innocence.

I’ve only read the two books, so I can only compare between them, but I have to say: Carolyn Jessop’s Escape had a very different take on polygamy than Shattered Dreams, although I supposed that’s to be expected.   The author of Shattered Dreams (Irene Spencer) is quite a bit older than Carolyn and her story took place before Warren Jeffs came in and took over, so her version of the sect was much more tame and normal than what happened to Carolyn.  And then of course you’ve also got two very different personalities.  All polygamists don’t think the same, just like all Catholics don’t have the same temperaments.   Some people may feel like if they’ve read one book on a subject, they’ve read them all, but in this case, that’s definitely not true.

I enjoyed reading Escape more - it starts out with a bang, on the night that Carolyn flees with her children and goes to Utah.  It’s fast paced and your heart starts racing just from reading.  Will she get out in time?  Is she going to get caught?  You can feel the tension rolling off Carolyn in waves.  Unlike Shattered that suffered from a real lack of editorial insight, Escape has great pacing and a good timeline to it.

My only real qualm with Escape was along the same lines as the problem I had with Not Without My Daughter - Carolyn has a real bitterness to her attitude and writing.  I didn’t expect her to be all smiles and sunshine about it, but even when something good or funny was happening, I still got this feeling that there is pure anger in her towards the polygamy cult and the experience itself.  I walked away with the gut feeling that Carolyn is going to be healing from this experience for a very long time, as opposed to Irene who I felt healed and forgave faster and easier.

And perhaps I’m way off, who knows, but that was the vibe I got from the books.

Overall, it was a supremely depressing but needed look at the polygamist life.  The Great Escape for Carolyn happened in 2003, so it isn’t as if this is an outdated book and things like this simply aren’t happening anymore.  Instead, she gives a fairly current snapshop into the lives of polygamists - I don’t think I’ll ever see a news story on polygamy quite the same again.

I give it 4.25 out of 5 stars.

Hava

Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist’s Wife by Irene Spencer was an eye-opening book.  I had already read Escape by Carolyn Jessop, so I had something to compare this book to, and I thought it was interesting how different the two husbands in the story are.  Carolyn’s husband never attempted to be fair and love all of his wives equally, nor did he ever attempt to be a good husband to Carolyn.  Irene Spencer’s husband, Verlan, was very different, and in his own way, he truly loved Irene.  He wasn’t perfect, but then again, neither was Irene.

In a nutshell, Irene was raised in a polygamist family, but her mother left her father when she was young, and eventually when Irene fell in love with a man who wasn’t Mormon or a fundamentalist, her mother encouraged her wholeheartedly to marry this guy instead of marrying a polygamist.  Scared to marry outside of the church and be damned for all eternity, Irene married her half-sister’s husband instead, and became Verlan’s second wife.   She regretted that choice for the rest of her life, as she suffered through abject poverty and third-world living conditions, on top of being subjected to being pregnant 13 times in 25 years.

The book could have been helped by editing - she spends a lot of time talking about how she never got enough sex with her husband, and how she had to share her husband and she was jealous because of it…When I say a lot, I mean the majority of the second half of the book was spent talking about this.  After a while, I started skimming, because there was just so much of that, that I could take, before I wanted to say, “Good, great, let’s get on with it then.  I understand you’re jealous - now what?”  She also seemed to spend most of the book crying her eyes out, which I am the world’s most sympathetic person (I cry when I watch a sad commercial on TV!) but even I wanted to say, “Aren’t you sick of sobbing yet?  Just do something about it already.”  She kept saying she would divorce him if he did blah-blah, and then he’d do it, and she’d stay with him.  Then she’d set a new criteria - she’d divorce him if he did this and this, and then he’d do it, and then she’d stay with him.  It was frustrating because for all of her ranting and raving and yelling and crying, she never followed through on any of her promises and always allowed him to come back into her life.

In the epilogue, I found out she became a born-again Christian.  That part seemed strange to me - Carolyn Jessop of Escape basically became an atheist of sorts, which is probably the same decision I would make if I had lived through what these ladies had lived through.  I would have figured God punished me enough - if he wanted any part of me, he would have made for a nicer beginning to my life. I also thought it was strange that Irene didn’t seem to try to separate out the current LDS Church from the fundamentalist sect she had belonged to.  For the most part, whatever the fundamentalists believed, she seemed to believe that’s what the current LDS Church believed in too.  I don’t know if that’s because of the conversion to born-again Christianity or not, but that left me baffled.

Now that I’ve read both Escape and Shattered Dreams, I’m going to read His Favorite Wife by Susan Schmidt because strangely enough, Irene and Susan were both married to the same man, Verlan - they were “sister wives,” to use the term in the polygamy world for it.  It’ll be very interesting to read about that relationship from Susan’s eyes, since Irene definitely had a lot to say about it. Escape and Shattered Dreams were so different from each other, I can’t wait to see how His Favorite Wife plays out.

I give Shattered Dreams 3.75 stars out of 5 - with better editing, it could have easily been a 4.5 or higher, but it was simply suffering from an overtelling of every single event that happened in 25+ years.  I would say that with what’s happening down in Texas right now, it’s worth the read, although I’d borrow it from the library instead of buying.

Havs